Overdue Pictures

Well, hey everybody. If you're wondering why I haven't posted in a long time it's because I don't really have a great need for the internet anymore. This is the first time I've been on it all week. Crazy, right? I know. But I find other stuff to keep me busy so I don't really need the internet or my phone. Now, if for some reason I couldn't use my iPod, it'd be a different story. Not to mention the loads of homework I get from my Oak Park High School teachers, but, hey, it's all good. I'd rather be producing brain cells than losing them to a computer screen (which I'm doing now). But anyway, I figure I'm a little overdue for pictures so I'll post some in this post and just go from there instead of a whole page of boring dialogue. Sound good? Great(:  Oh and I think I'll add a widget to the blog with a photo album of all the cloud photography I've been working on. It's really fun, I think. Hope you enjoy.

The book I'm reading (actually a series)

Algebra II...woo...

The 30gb iPod we found in the new house!(:

The new camera we found in the new house! (it's mine along with the iPod)

And the pretty bracelet I'm making(:

My new house!

Well I guess I'll talk to you all next week! 

Lots of Love,

H.L.

>5

Hey everybody!!! Sooo right now, I'm at my brand new hosue!!(: It's so pretty. It's blue on the outside and my room's the only one painted. It's a BRIGHT green color. I have my own walk-in closet and full bathroom. My unborn sister, Allie, has her own room, complete with Eddie Bauer baby furniture from Aunt Nancy! We just moved in today and hopefully (if Ron and Steven get off their asses) I'll be all moved in by tomorrow. And then...dun dun duuuuuun! School. So I'm kinda excited, only because I have this amazing outfit, complete with the rockin' skinny jeans I got on-sale at Old Navy. But, I'm also nervous because I won't know ANYONE. Not a single soul besides my counselor. But anyway, yeah, me and Dj? We're barely talking. Great, I know. Ummm I'm pretty sure Toni's gonna hate me because my dad is probably gonna tell them all a bunch of lies because we all know how he is, especially since he was being the biggest ass in the world. I feel bad because I couldn't go to Lori's service. At least she'd understand why, unlike everyone else. I mean, it's not my friggin fault that school starts Monday and my dad was gonna get me and my mom home late sunday. By the way, she's, uh, I don't know, PREGNANT!? I was needed at home and I'm sorry but my dad is not the best car-mate in the world. In fact, plain and simple, he's an ASSHOLE. He stresses my mom out so much and like she hasn't already got enough to deal with. So I broke down at Old Navy last night because I know that with Lori gone, basically the one person in that family that understands my mom and actually is OKAY with it, I'll probably never be able to see my two best friends, my soul-sisters, ever again because my dad's always gonna say something, anything to get anyone on his side. I would know. He turned my old neighborhood, besides the people that hated him in the first place, against us when Ron first moved in. So congratulations, Dad. I thought it ended months ago but I was dead wrong because now I have less than five friends.

Nightmares Part One

Alright, we all know I'm fourteen and, just to be clear I don't wet the bed! No, but I do have horrible nightmares. My nightmares usually end up with me in a pool of my own or somebody else's blood. I know how that sounds. Anyway, I usually, if I go to sleep around ten-ten-thirty, wake up at one forty-five or two with a bad nightmare and end up staying awake. I think the worst one I had was last night. It started off I was walking down a long hallway with rooms at the end (much like the one at my new house). I entered the room at the very end and fell into a garden. I was in a black dress and I was just wondering through the garden. I pricked my finger on a rose and suddenly I saw a horrible sight. A dead body was hanging from a tree and blood was still freshly pouring out of the corpse's mouth. I tried to scream but I was strangled by a steady stream of black butterflies that came out of my throat. I tried to run but I found myself falling to my knees. The only thing I could do was cry silently. It's probably the worst nightmare I've had in a while and I woke up crying so hard my entire pillow was soaked. Anyway, I just thought I'd share.
Bye for now!

Today.

Today was not a good day, at all. I don't think today will ever be remembered as a good day, by anyone's standards. Today, a very close family friend of mine died. I am hesitant to mention who and how, but I would like prayers to go out to their family. Toni, if you're reading this, I love you. I'll always be with you guys even if I'm two hundred miles away. Because distance doesn't matter. I know things may seem hard right now, but I promise it'll get better. Don't look back on memories except to smile and remember happiness. She is in a better place now, I promise you. I love both you and your sister and if there's anything I can do, let me know because I'll do it in a heartbeat. I had to deliver the news to our other family friends down the street and they didn't take it too easily. Nobody has, believe me. Confession: I was in my room with two candles lit and my iPod blasting, crying for nearly an hour. It's going to be hard but stay strong. Carry on. Love life and always remember in a happy way. I love you.
RIP.
Sincerely,
Hannah.

Bleh.

Ugh. So it's...10:39am right now. I should not be up. I'm so tired I'm practically sleep-typing this post. But I'm also hungry. Hungry>Tired. That's how it is. My mom's home sick again today, meaning I won't get my schedule for high school until tomorrow, which kind of blows. Sara's asleep in the other room and toast is in the toaster. The stupid lady at my orthodontist was all "Did you brush your teeth this morning?" And of course I said, "No, I just got up," because it was kind of obvious. Then she started picking at my plaque buildup and I just wanted to take that little pick and throw it out the window. She was like, "Did you brush them last night?" And, being me, I just decided to tell her, "Yes," so she'd get off my case. Apparently, that just made her worse. She didn't believe me at all. "Well, it looks like that's been there for longer than overnight." In my head all I could think was dammit. So then I had to go and brush my teeth with a disposable toothbrush which just made it all the more worse. So embarrassing, especially when a hot guy was sitting RIGHT THERE. Ugh I just wanted to die. But anyway, yeah that's pretty much what happened. Fun fun.

Life Starts Now.

How is this fair? Can somebody please tell me? Mom, I'm so glad you got what you wanted. You found Ron, you dumped my dad, got pregnant, and starting over. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. But what happened to me? Am I lost in the dust? Carried away with the wind? I never hear you talk about how you're so proud of me anymore. It's always "Do this, do that, I'm sick I can't get up." I'm more than happy to help you out but what about me? Who's there to help me out? Apparently no one. I'm the only one who does dishes. Who does laundry. Who takes care of the animals, makes sure they have food. I've been packing for the new house, preparing for high school. Worrying about my dad. Thinking about how things have changed and how I literally have less than five friends. Where's my happy ending, Mom? Who's there to help me up when I fall? The Band-Aid company, maybe, but I just used the last one last night so that's a long shot. How can I forget all the times I've been yelled at only to be screamed at again? How can I cope with all this drama? Where's the answer to this? Buried in totes with childhood memories that mean nothing now? I'm happy for the new baby and I don't mind the scarcity of attention like most kids would. But I'm just asking for a little help. I'm overworked, overstressed, and just because you and Ron work does not mean you can just hand over everything to me because I've got my own life and crap to worry about, I don't need more. So I'm happy you got what you wanted, Mom. But when do I get to be happy? My whole world has changed in less than six months. Everything is different and apparently life was never good enough for my mother before she met Ron and started a new family. And now I'm seeing that with me, it'll never be good enough. So, what can we conclude? My life is falling apart? Check. I'm too stressed and frazzled? Check. Everything's going to get better? We'll come back to that one.
Maybe this is how someone thinks or sees me as:

Life Starts Now
                  Three Days Grace

You say you feel so down
Every time I turn around
And you say you should've been gone by now
And you, you think that everything's wrong
You ask me how to carry on
We'll make it through another day just hold on.

Cause life starts now.
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow
And you're so far down
But you will survive it somehow because life starts now.

I hate to see you fall down
I'll pick you up off of the ground
I've watched the weight of your world come down
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
You find the strength you've had inside all along.

Cause life starts now.
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow and you're so far down
But you will survive it somehow because life starts now.

All this pain
Take this life and make it yours.
All this hate take your heart and let it love again.
You will survive it somehow.

Life starts now.
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow and you're so far down.
Life starts now.
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow and you're so far down.
Life starts now.

Maybe Sara's Right.

So last night at like four in the morning, I was on the phone with Sara explaining all of my troubles/worries/fears blahblahblah. We were talking and I started going off about everything I hated.
"Wait, wait, wait!" she had said. "I figured out your problem!" Of course, she didn't mean it in a bad way, which was good.
"What's that?" I asked, desperate to know what to change.
"You look for the bad in people, not the good."
"Oh. Well what good is there from Samantha? All she's continued to do is make my life a living hell. Is that good?"
"Well she's kinda been there for you," Sara said. "I mean, when you and DJ broke up, she was there, right?"
This had made me realize I was looking for the bad in people, not the good. Which, if you think about it, makes me a weird kind of outcast. That's the great thing about Sara. Even when she points out a flaw, there's always a flawless feeling that follows. So she's right. I need to start looking for the good in people, even if those people piss me off to a point where I don't even want to breathe the same air as them. So, here's to Sara.

Good Things About Bad People:
1.) Samantha- She has been there for me and held me when I've cried and she's diligently listened when I've read my stories and poems and gushed about some guy or a nightmare.
2.) My Dad- He was here for a longer time than Ron and I'll always have some good memories with him even if he never talks to me now.
3.) M- I have known her for...four and a half years now and there'll always be those times on the bus gossiping about A or something.
4.) That one guy that whistled at me as I was jogging- At least he has good taste
5.) Tiffanie- Well, she doesn't completely hate me and still calls me sugar or gives me a hug, I guess.

Ohmy.

Wow, look at what's happened! First off, I would like to say how I can't keep up writing a diary, much less an electronic sort of one. Well, with that said, where do I start? Umm...my mom's pregnant. That's right. Due December 4th. I start high school in five days. But, here's the catch...I'm going to Oak Park. Not Northtown, not IB...Oak Park. Which, seeing the facility and meeting with the counselor today, isn't really that bad of a school. Pretty nice really. What else, what else... I'm moving. It's a way prettier house. That's why I decided to go to Oak Park. If I chose to stay in the IB program at Northtown, I still could. But who wants to be there with...egos and egos and egos upon even more egos!? I've grown up with all those people. I'm so sick and tired of them. So, given a chance to get away from them, damn straight I'm going to take it. Well, anyway, the new house. There's nothing bad I can say about it. It's nice and I have my own walk-in closet and full bathroom. The basement's finished and there's lots of space for my new little sister, Allyson. Except, I have to give up my cats. My two precious cats that I've raised. And since my dad is still continuing to be an asshole about everything, I have to give them to a no-kill shelter. I've cried and cried and cried and cried over it for the past three or four weeks. We have to look for a home for Jack, too. The only thing I get out of it is...a fish. A lousy, water-breathing fish. How lovely. Hmm...still there's more. Sara, my best friend in the entire universe, is moving, too. But The irony is, after all these years being best friends and living with the reality we have to go to different high schools, she's moving right down the street from my old house. Wow. And she's going to Northtown now. Weird, right? Her mom's pregnant too. Who knows, maybe our half-siblings will be best friends one day. Speaking of siblings, (well, the born ones anyway) I would kill not to have a single step-sibling. That's right, I said it. I have two which I'm sure I mentioned somewhere. Abbigayle (Abbie), who's three and a half, and Samantha who's four months younger than me. Oh. My. God. With Samantha there is so much fucking drama I could just kill myself. Sometimes, I think that would be way less stressful. Everything has to be Samantha's way or it's not happening. She just pisses me off so damn much! We tried our best to give her a good birthday and she still wasn't happy at the end of the day. I seriously wish she would NEVER EVER EVER come back. It's just so ridiculous, the stuff that she fights about. As if I don't already have enough stress. I'm sure if I would just let everything go maybe things would get better but..hot damn I could use a way out right now. Oh, not to mention the fact that I'm going to be the only Williams. Allie's not going to know me very much. I'll be the only one with dark hair, brown eyes. And it sucks. I hate it. I hate being the outcast of the family. My mom keeps trying to explain that it's no big deal, but it IS! I've always been weary of being left out of family things but with my parents split, I'm on my own, literally. My dad never talks to me except an informal thing with his girlfriend Christi every once in a blue moon. My mom and Ron are obsessed with the other siblings of the house (and just because Samantha and Abbie aren't here all the time doesn't mean they aren't the center of attention) and especially with the baby on the way. I know it's childish of me and very petty and vain and whatever else you're thinking of but believe me I'll trade my life for yours any day. Well, I have to go to bed. I have to finish cleaning and packing my room tomorrow and I may walk down to Sara's to help her unpack and move in as well.
Bye for now,
H.L.